Troubled teens all over America, when deciding to kill themselves, choose the following drugs:
Prescription Sleeping Pills: 41%
Over the counter sleeping pills: 19%
Illegal Drugs: 14%
Other (or mixture): 6%
But one stunning fact has officials in Washington sweating, as they frantically try to cover their backs; 74% of suicides fail, overall, but of the 10% who use Advil to commit suicide, 97% of the time they are successful. In other words, even though Teens primarily commit suicide by using prescription sleeping pills, twice as many suicidal deaths occur are the result of taking Advil. That means that Advil is the #1 killer of suicidal teens, and for many parents that doesn’t sit well.
“My Johnny loved life, and only tried to kill himself because his girlfriend got pregnant by another man,” a teary eyed parent explained to us,” if he had only overdosed on heroin instead of Advil, he might have been able to recover.” Officials at Pfizer declined to comment, only saying that they cannot be held responsible for those who do not follow the suggested doses on their packaging. But scientists employed by an independent contracter verified the findings, confirming that in their testing an overdose of Advil cannot be pumped from a human stomach, and will almost always result in death.
“According to our laboratory mice, the only thing more dangerous than Advil (in high doses) is methamphetamine mixed with arsenic and battery acid,” Said the lead scientist. “If you really want to succeed in your suicide attempt, reach for the Advil.”
Still, the fact that prescription sleeping pills are much safer than advil is little consolation for the thousands of parents of dead children who took Advil.
“Willy would have been an Engineer one day,” sobbed one mother, ”They tried to pump his stomach but the machine simply froze up.”